Enhanced Clarity

My little sister is in town right now.  She is visiting from her school in Chicago for the weekend and having her home has been great.  Today we had a conversation about friends of ours who don’t understand certain, important aspects of our personalities and the consequential realization that it might be important to stop being true to one part of ourselves in an effort to let people see who we really are at our cores.

Even trivially considering this seems wrong.  It is important for people to understand who their friends are as individuals, but is it so important that one must deny a part of oneself so that others may understand that person more genuinely?  Much as I hate to say it, I think it might be that important.

My friends have no idea who I am, which hurts.  I consider myself a generally good person.  I am swayed easily when asked to help people, because I hate to watch people suffer, regardless of what kind of suffering they undergo.  My heart breaks easily and often for other people’s tragedies.  I admire those who are steadfast in their beliefs, regardless of what those beliefs may be.  I love art, music, literature, sports, religion…anything people throw themselves into with reckless abandon I cannot help but admire at least a little.  There is little in this world that I cannot find the good in.

Although all of the above is true, I am also a cynic.  I am sarcastic and judgmental and do not respect people who have proved that they do not deserve it.  I will (usually) not be rude to people I do not respect, but if someone is not doing something well, I will not lie to make them feel better.  I will share my honest insights if they are valuable and it is a good time to share them.

People tend to see the second part of my personality more than the first.  As this part of me is not as likable as the first I feel like most of my friends are intimidated by me or treat me insensitively because they assume that is what I am doing.   I love my friends and family intensely and seemingly rarely receive an equatable return.  In order to get my return, it looks like I might have to deny a large part of myself.

Which is more important?  Being true to myself and alienating the metaphorically blind in my life or being sickeningly sweet to everyone so they will not be thrown off by a faux granite exterior and will see my marshmallowy insides?

…both of those sound like terrible ideas.


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