Echo

She is me.  Her tears are my tears and her prostrate form, spreadeagled across her bed as she succumbs to the sleep that slithers so stealthily after sobs, is mine also.  Her desires to be heard, to leave, to prove that there would be a hole if she was gone, to be held by someone who would just care the littlest bit…that was mine, too.  That clenched up feeling that is an explosion waiting to happen, soothed just enough by the dark and the quiet that it will crawl, ever so slowly, back into the nowhere deep within her until the next time the outside world so cruelly invites it out again.

It isn’t sadness.  It isn’t fear.  It isn’t even anger, although that might have been what I called mine when I was her.

It is helplessness, the worst of all hurts.

She is not me.  I am not her.  She is only a girl who grew up a decade behind me, whose life subtly echoed mine enough that every time she was hurt I felt a stab, too.  She grew up in chaos and emerged beautiful and strong and as a bit of a threat to those closest to her.

We arrived in sunshine and smiled at new superheroes and their antitheses sketched heroically in crayon.  The sunshine flickered ever so slightly and frustrated voices blasted down the hallway, unsuccessfully seeking  censorship.

An invisible hand drove into my chest and found something soft to squeeze.  Rewind six years and there I am…

I wrapped myself in the silent dark, that she, too, seeks, and inwardly screamed at the world for not coming to my aid when I needed it.  How could those who I loved, who supposedly loved me, not see that when my door slammed and I was lonely and invisible in the dark…it was then that I most wanted someone to wordlessly stroke my hair and tell me how beautiful, how kind, how good I truly was?

No apologies or explanations.  No promises.  No reason or logic.  Just heartful words of love and admiration.  Why didn’t you let me see the good in me when the shadows closed in?

Help her see the good in her when her world hardens into charcoal.

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One Response to Echo

  1. sarah says:

    you are my hero.

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